The Spoked Traveller | Solitude seems to be a lonely word
Trails and advice cycling around the world as solo female cyclist and adventurer
mountain bike, adventure travel, cycling travel, bike tours, outdoor, solo travel, female mountain biking, badass female cycling, female travellers, women travel, adventurous
1672
post-template-default,single,single-post,postid-1672,single-format-standard,ajax_fade,page_not_loaded,,qode-theme-ver-10.1.1,wpb-js-composer js-comp-ver-6.6.0,vc_responsive

Solitude seems to be a lonely word

Solitude seems to be a lonely word

When I was 36, I wrote a feature story for the now defunct magazine, Homemakers. My first sentence: “I am 36 and I feel disconnected.” I thought of this story when I read the Globe and Mail’s front page weekend story: “Life of Solitude: a loneliness crises is looming.”

The feature mentioned the staid facts that yes, there are more single people in Canada than ever before, and yes, we, as a society, are a selfish lot that retreat to our homes and don’t care about what is outside our own front doors. Okay. But, I also believe the author forgot to mention one huge concept: North Americans are an individualistic society. In Spain, or Italy for example, one could conceivably go to a friend’s house on a Saturday afternoon without having an appointment. One could ‘drop in’ without making prior arrangements.

As a single woman, I certainly feel outside the norm of ‘couples.’ I’m sure this might not be the case if I was in an urban centre, Toronto, but then again, that isn’t true either. I had a friend from the Maritimes, a sassy, smart lady, move to downtown Toronto. She left after one year; she never felt more alone in Canada’s largest city.

Ok, so I can’t really do the ‘drop in’ thing here in my town of London, but I have certainly begun doing things I love and I think singles have a responsibility to fill up their time. For example, I have rediscovered sewing. I’m not particularly good at it–my latest sweatshirt creation is more like a muscle shirt, showing more belly than I would like, but for a few hours, I’m completely immersed. A naked Jian Ghomeshi at the door couldn’t get me to stop sewing. Well, anything else but that.

I also argue that one could be in a relationship and feel immensely lonely. I know many. Just because you sit down to supper across from someone every day does not mean that you feel connected and comforted. A world can sit between you.

This summer I ran into someone I hadn’t seen since high school. “You always seemed like a loner in high school,” he said to me. I took this as a complement. Really. How cool is it to know you can amuse yourself and be your own best friend? It’s not to say I don’t love people–anyone who knows me realizes that I am a huge extrovert–it’s the reason I travel: to meet people. I get a huge rush from being around creative individuals. But, at the heart of it, I know that I can rely on myself for my own happiness.

I do miss the ‘drop in’ thing. I wish this wasn’t the case here; I wish I felt like more of a community–but then again, I have a choice. When I feel like I need to be around people and part of a community, I go to my bar, The Morrissey House. Or, I could always move. And that my friends, is the freedom of singledom–something for another post.

 

No Comments

Post A Comment